I’ve been going through a lot recently. A lot of doubt with what I wanna do with my life. A lot of uncertainty and anxiousness. I’ve been putting off working on Windfall because I just haven’t been sure if this was what I want to do anymore. It‘s been earth-shattering. I was so sure of it a year ago. Two years ago, three, four years ago. I had such a strong passion for it. And now I’m not sure.
I’ve been thinking about why I’ve had such a lack of motivation. For a lot of things in my life. My body and mind want me to stay stagnant. I’m so tired all the time. But whenever I can get myself working, it all seems to flow together. It feels right again. I haven’t figured it out yet. Is it a lack of discipline, or a lack of fervor? I still don’t know for sure. But working on this next piece, taking the time to really flesh out what “the fool” means to me. It helped to put things into perspective.
The fool has been the central figure of my brand since the beginning. A motif I have yet to take the time to go in-depth with what it means. If you had the chance to ask me what it meant, I rambled off the dome for half a minute. And I said something different every time.
Mostly because I wasn’t entirely sure myself.
The fool holds so much symbolism. So much personal meaning to me on so many different levels. And I continuously find new things I can appreciate about it. Aspects of the character that I identify with.
It’s important to relay that to you. And I can’t relay it to you unless I can flesh it out for myself first.
THE FOOL recognizes he can’t know everything, and embraces it. Though he doesn’t stop searching for answers. THE FOOL appreciates all that is beautiful. But stays acutely aware of imbalance. He isn’t obsessed with the negative or blinded by the positive. THE FOOL lives in a constant flux of chaos and order. Too much order is restrictive. Too much chaos brings destruction. THE FOOL lives in a constant state of joy. THE FOOL loves unconditionally.
I like to make a distinction between the fool and the jester. The jester is an occupation. The fool is a lifestyle. A fool can be anything or anyone. It encompasses a distinct way of life. A way of thinking and acting in life. A perception of the world.
Though, maybe I need to be more like the jester. The jester is a professional fool. A professional is one who takes his craft seriously. One who puts in the time and effort to hone his craft. One who sees the importance and significance of their work and makes a career out of it.
Consistently consistent, not consistently inconsistent.
A professional fool.
Here’s to celebrating 3 stressful, satisfying, joyful years of Windfall!